I have many different directions I could go for a post on Mother’s Day. I have a mother, a mother-in-law, my wife is a mother, I have one sister who is a mother to a three-year-old boy and another sister who is expecting her first child. So much could be said about each of these relationships! I do not want to leave any out, but on this occasion, I thought I would take the opportunity to write about the one that I know best—my wife Emily.
Obviously there is much I could say and much more that I cannot get to, but for a brief moment I would like to reflect on her impact, not only on our four boys, but also in my own life. I recently read an article by Carey Nieuhoff on the topic of pastor’s wives—I will link it below. Carey pointed out that pastor’s wives are often the most overlooked people in the church. The fact is, most of us pastors would not survive in ministry if it were not for our wives. In one sense, the “motherly” influence and qualities that our wives possess as moms carry over into their ministry to us as husbands and pastors, and not just because we are big babies (though that might be the case from time to time). For children, mothers are often a shoulder to cry on, the confidence booster, uplifter, life coach and biggest fan. But many of these are often true of a pastor’s wife and her ministry to her husband, and in my case in particular, all are true! She has been the shoulder to cry on when ministry gets tough. She is the confidence booster, who on many occasions has told me to “suck it up” or “get back in the ring” when I feel like quitting. She has uplifted me in times of despair, coached me through hundreds of “hypothetical conversations” as I prepared for a meeting with a church member, and always has positive feedback to say about my sermons, despite the fact that I ask the same repetitious question every week—“how was the sermon today, honey?” I have heard it said that behind every great man is an even greater woman. While I’m not making any claims of greatness, the second part of that phrase is certainly true in this case. If I have any positive impact on the people of our church, it is usually because she has ministered to me in helping me navigate the deep waters of ministry. Sometimes I wonder if she has done more to shepherd our church and our people than I have due to her wise counsel and ability to help point my eyes in the right direction! Sometimes I am not sure what is more taxing for her, marriage to myself or raising four energetic young boys! But she willingly rises to both occasions with grace and grit—two excellent qualities that are a necessity for a home full of boys!
All of this leads me to the real motherly influence my wife expresses—that of shepherding the hearts of four energetic boys. God worked it out in His divine providence and sovereign hand that my wife would never be a biological mother; at least not yet. For some women, this would leave a huge gaping hole in their hearts; but God created Emily with something else in mind. This is not to say that God’s pathway for us has not been difficult, but that God sovereignly prepared Emily’s heart for the pathway that He arranged her to walk. Having four boys is not unheard of; I know people with more than four—and they survived! Yet our home is unique. Having four boys who were adopted through very different backgrounds and life situations brings with it a whole different approach to being a mom. Things other moms do, she cannot; things she must do, other moms may never have to. This just comes with the territory when you are an adoptive mother—you never know what life will throw at you! Having children who have experienced firsthand the brokenness and depravity of this world far before they should ever have to face these realities causes life to be spontaneous and unpredictable. Like a soldier in a minefield Emily must gently and patiently navigate through the issues created by our children’s past as she attempts to lead them towards their divinely planned future. The “drama” that our household experiences on an almost daily basis would be far more than some mothers could ever imagine, but not Emily. She handles every curve ball with poise and grace, and in this sense, she is a model to all of us. She faces the challenges of each day like a lion tamer faces a lion—in bold defiance of the power they might wield over her. She is strong, brave, and true. Her patience and longsuffering in even the most stressful of circumstances has made her brand of motherhood stand out above the crowd—she truly is an all-star! In all of this I am blessed as I learn from her model and follow her example as I watch her as a mother every day. She truly is the woman Proverbs 31 has in mind, and I am confident that one day her children will call her blessed!
*Carey Nieuwhof’s article referenced above: https://careynieuwhof.com/the-most-overlooked-person-in-your-church-and-5-ways-to-invest-in-them/
