Introduction
Last Sunday our church celebrated “Orphan Sunday.” Every year, our church sets aside time to pray for and remember those who have been orphaned or separated from their parents, and those who have lived out James 1:27 by ministering to them. I am thankful for this emphasis as a foster care and adoptive dad. It really does take a village, especially when raising kids from hard places.
Unfortunately, many such families do not have the support they wish they had. Truth be told, foster and adoptive homes often feel isolated and alone. The support network they thought they would have is often nonexistent. Many potential reasons for this exist. The most common reason I encounter relates to education. Many people today have little or no understanding of how a child’s history can stay with them and impact their lives for many years to come. Past experiences like prenatal exposure and physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can have lifelong effects and create very real physical and developmental issues in a child. Few realize how the history of kids who have come from hard places affects their homes today.
Families that raise kids from hard places often look different from traditional homes, due to the fragmented past of these children. The result, and reality for many foster or adoptive homes, is estrangement from their own closest friends and family members. Judgment from those who do not know or understand a child’s background can often cause waves between pre-existing relationships. It is common for those who have welcomed orphaned children into their homes to feel like outsiders from the rest of their family or friends because of differences in parenting methods or family dynamics, which do not always fit the norms. In my own conversations with other like families, I have heard time and time again of these same difficulties—relationships that have been strained and connections that have loosened over the unique dynamics of parenting kids from hard places. Even in communities of believers, similar issues can arise. Teachers and children’s workers are often untrained and unskilled in dealing with children from hard places. Parents can feel judged or unwelcomed in a church service if their children do not meet the normal expectations of a congregation. This is a reality that many parents of orphans know very well.
This is the reality of orphan care. It is hard. It is not as glamorous as it is often made out to be. In fact, I think we err when we make it “glamorous” because we so often forget the hurt and trauma a child had to go through to be adopted into their “perfect family.” For those who have navigated these waters, you know what I mean when I say that they are not for the faint of heart!
Final Thoughts
This brings us back to where we started, with our church celebrating orphan Sunday. Churches ought to emphasize this type of focus. Both those who have experienced loss and neglect and those who minister to such children need the support of the body of Christ. In our own family experience, I am thankful God has currently placed us in a church that is attuned to the needs of foster and adoptive homes. Many in our current faith family have been involved with adoption and foster care, and we have found a community of people who, at least in part, “get it.” We do not have to feel embarrassed or out of place if our kids have a meltdown or we must take them out of a church service. People welcome children, especially those from hard places, the way Jesus welcomed children; the way churches ought to! I am thankful that our church celebrated Orphan Sunday; it is a great way for a church to focus on orphan care. But you do not need an “Orphan Sunday” to minister to kids and families who have navigated these tough pathways. God calls all believers to bear the burdens of one another—be there in the rejoicing and in the weeping. Orphans and their families need a body of believers who does just that!
