Introduction
Our current time period is a very difficult one in which to pastor a church. Pastoral tenures are becoming shorter and shorter, with the average tenure being somewhere around eighteen months. Churches are shrinking, experiencing a lack of workers, and some are closing due to empty pews. Conflict abounds both within the congregation and ministry leadership teams. Pastoral shortages have left some churches without a pastor indefinitely. So much “stuff” in churches today!
As I have reflected on the “stuff” surrounding my own difficult ministry transition, I have also spent time connecting with other pastors who have gone through the fires of ministry obstacles. In doing so, something caught my attention. I have come to realize what many pastors across the globe have been encountering in their own ministries—a culture of cancellation. We live in a cancel culture world. While we often consider the “cancel culture” maneuver as a scheme of the left, what many have come to discover is that these very same tactics take place in the church as well. Men in ministry today are experiencing a harsh reality in churches today: sometimes, you can get canceled by church culture!
A Description
Cancel culture is based on the belief that one person’s perspective of culture and practice in that culture is higher or nobler than that of another. Cancel culture operates under the guise of moral relativism, emphasizing the right of people to choose their preference on any number of political, social, or ethical issues. But this cannot be a movement of moral relativism, because even the assertions for freedom and acceptance are value judgments. The result of this ideology in practice is not very relativistic at all: anyone who does not fit into the popular model of how the world should operate faces ostracism and is thrust out of acceptance in society. Essentially, they are canceled. Anyone who goes against popular culture is deemed either wrong or unnecessary, and efforts are made to thrust this individual or group of individuals out of acceptance.
Sound familiar? Probably because it is. This scenario plays out over and over again in churches today. Rather than embracing unity in Christ amidst a diversity of preferences, many believers want to do battle royale over issues that really are not working fighting over. Anyone who does not agree with the popular preference or practice is cast aside. If you do not think this happens in churches today, trust me when I say it is a common occurrence. In fact, as I went through my own experience with strenuous ministry relations and faced a church-based cancel culture of my own, I began to realize that this was happening all over. A pastor-mentor of mine who helped me unpack the “tough stuff” along my journey of ministry shared that he personally knew of four other men across the U.S. who were going through the exact same thing at the exact same time. I have personally seen it happen both to pastors in churches and missionaries on the mission field. Many times, these “cancellation attempts” are thought to be well-meaning. They are often viewed by “the canceller” as virtuous endeavors to save the ministry, but that is rarely the case. Often times, underhanded or unethical practices are used for one party to get what they want, and in many cases, open sin is overlooked and even accepted as serving the greater good of that particular group. Not only are these attempts less than virtuous, they usually do not make things better in the church. No one wins when cancel culture enters the church! God is not pleased when we allow our differences to keep us from uniting around our common bond in Christ. Unfortunately, many times ministry leaders and their families bear the brunt of the effects of this mentality, and leaders (and their families) who are canceled will bear the scars for a lifetime. There is no escaping the effects of such a divisive movement. Even pastors who survive with their ministry intact still bear the scars; I know several.
With this understanding of the level of spiritual warfare going on in churches today, I would like to offer some advice—some firsthand experience concerning what to do if you are the one being canceled. How should you respond when church culture decides you are out, and they are in? I offer five suggestions:
1) Do Not Attack
First of all, do not attack. Those who may be experiencing conflict in ministry need to be careful not to attack their opponents. Sometimes men in ministry, in their fervency to speak the truth and expose error, can tend to wield the Bible like a club to beat over the heads of church members. One might be tempted to use the public nature of our ministry as a platform to speak to people directly, even from the pulpit. Oftentimes, when someone has an issue with a leader in the church, he or she will pull out all the stops to destroy that individual’s credibility, reputation, and ministry. This can be incredibly difficult for a pastor and his family. Pastors in this type of scenario can easily be tempted to attack the opposition in the same way they are being attacked. Pastor, resist that urge. Use the Bible to help people, not to hurt people. We must be very careful that we do not attack those who might have attacked us. Sometimes issues do need to be addressed, but make sure you do not attack your people.
On the converse side, pastors have the responsibility to speak truth. But do not seek retribution by attacking others. This does not mean, however, that pastors must refrain from speaking truth. Paul told Timothy to “correct, rebuke, and exhort with great patience and instruction.” Proclaiming truth is part of the responsibility of a pastor. When faced with conflict, a pastor may experience the desire to hold back. Sometimes people might even expect us to hold back. I have heard words like “pastor, we do need the Bible right now.” Sometimes people do not want to hear the truth, and that reality might cause us to withhold truth in order to save a relationship. But many times, speaking the truth is the most loving thing we could do for another person, even if they do not want it. Certainly, there are appropriate ways to speak the truth and we must do it sensitively and tactfully, but we cannot back down from the responsibility to speak the truth, even if our words are rejected. I am reminded of how many prophets of old spoke for God knowing that their message would be rejected. If you are facing the cancel culture mentality in your church, do not withhold from speaking the truth but be careful how you speak the truth, and never use your words to attack. Pastors are responsible for how they use their words; God is responsible for whether or not it is received.
2) Do Not Control
A second guideline for dealing with a culture that wants to cancel you is to not control. What I mean here is that pastors should not have an “I am in charge mentality.” Pastors can easily develop a “grab the bull by the horns” take-charge type of mentality when things start not going their way. I Peter 5:3 cautions pastors against shepherding in a domineering manner. When things start to go awry in a church and pastors feel like they are about ready to lose control, they may face the temptation to begin to lead out of position rather than out of principle or philosophy. Pastors can develop a form of “big man syndrome” and utilize a “touch not the Lord’s anointed” leadership style. They may make power plays or try to use less-than-ethical tactics in order to maintain control of a difficult situation. They may even be tempted to play church politics or use loopholes in the constitution to win a battle. While it might be appropriate for pastors to defend their ministry against an attack, they must do so without commanding allegiance or attempting to seize control of the church. After all, one of the qualifications for a pastor is that he is not a brawler. Pastor, do not give in to the temptation to fight or use your position to make a power play.
Pastors should however defend their ministry when necessary. Along with speaking the truth, pastors might need to speak the truth specifically about their role in the church. They may need to remind their people that God has placed them in the body for the spiritual growth of its members and that pastors are called to shepherd and lead. Sometimes, pastors will need to defend their ministry from accusations and attacks. This is important and appropriate. Pastors need not address every single tiny grievance that a member might share with someone else, but pastors ought to be prepared to defend their ministry but do so in a humble and gracious manner. Sometimes, the mobs of cancel culture are just looking for a fight; do not give it to them! Rather, determine to model the example of our Lord Jesus Christ who could have easily taken charge of a seemingly out-of-control situation, but instead submitted Himself to the process that was before him.
3) Do not gossip
A third suggestion for how to respond when faced with cancellation by church culture is do not gossip. Pastors often have insider information about many different church matters. Pastors get the inside scoop just due to their role in the ministry as they are often involved in counseling, numerous meetings, and decision-making in the church. Due to the knowledge that comes with the role, pastors might face the temptation to gossip, especially when conflict arises in the church. After all, when church culture tries to cancel a pastor, gossip almost always plays a significant role. Many people have tales of how the pastor “wounded them” and they are all too eager to share their experience with any who would listen. Pastor, do not stoop to their level! Make it your goal to have others see your commitment to refraining from gossip.
I made this commitment as my ministry was nearing an end. I determined that I would be honest to truth-seekers, but I would not gossip. What this meant for me was that I would not go around sharing or telling information to anyone who would listen. I could have if that was my goal and would have found many sympathetic listeners. I could have used the information I had to destroy reputations as had been done to me, but I determined that I was not going to play those games. I decided that I was not going to talk to anyone unless they sought me out and asked specific questions. In those settings, I determined to answer their questions in a guarded but honest manner. I did my best not to spin the narrative or let my emotions get involved, but just shared the facts with those who were seeking them without mentioning names or pointing fingers. While it is important not to gossip, I also believe it is important to speak truth to those who seek it and not hide what is going on when a spiritual person has questions. This is a difficult position to be in, and a fine line to walk. Pastors must remain from spreading the type of information that would cause harm and damage in the body of Christ.
In this regard, I have found it helpful to simply let your character speak for yourself. As already mentioned, you do not need to address every issue one has against you. Sometimes you even need to let others speak for you. You may need to surround yourself with other men in ministry who know you and your character and can speak truth to you as well as share truth for you. During challenging church conflicts, sometimes you just need to get yourself out of the middle. What I have done is pass along the contact info of my mentors. This removed me from the middle of the issue, especially after I transitioned from the church, and also reduced the temptation for me to gossip. These are men who have walked with me through the “tough stuff” of ministry and due to their knowledge and pastoral experience, have been privy to information about various struggles faced in ministry. More than one church member reached out to one of my mentors, and I viewed that as a healthy action. The cancel culture movement has invaded churches today. With it has come much gossip, slander, and loose talk. Pastor, if you are experiencing this type of conflict in your church, commit to choosing words that edify and build up; do not give in to gossip!
4) Do Not listen
A practical piece of advice for those experiencing conflict in ministry is to simply stop listening. What I mean is, do not listen to what people might say behind your back. We already noted how much gossip and backbiting takes place when a church body is determined to cancel its pastor or others with whom they do not agree. Many times, these comments make their way back to the pastor himself. Whether the pastor has left the church or is still ministering there, it usually does not make a difference. In the end, someone does usually end up leaving, either the pastor or the individuals themselves. Regardless, people tend to have loose tongues when you are not there to defend yourself. All manner of things have been spoken by people who feel that they have been victimized by their pastor. This is not just a cancel culture issue. Even pastors who have had fruitful ministries experience the pain of hurtful speech from those who have and axe to grind. Every pastor knows the sting of hurtful words spoken by those who used to be under his care. This is often intensified amidst conflict, and words have a way of making it back to a pastor. These words can be extremely difficult for a pastor to hear!
To those who have heard the hurtful words of ungodly individuals, I would say do not listen. Not only do not listen and do not even care. This is difficult, I know, but do not put stock in the idle talk of those who want to use words to harm. Ultimately, pastors ought not to seek the approval of men. We work for an audience of One—Jesus Christ. We should not listen to the words of those who seek to harm us nearly as much as we seek the approval of our Chief Shepherd. He is the ultimate One for whom we minister!
5) Do not despair
The final advice for those who have experienced the cancel culture mentality in the church is do not despair. This point might seem like one that does not need to be made, but I think it does. As pastors, we often speak rightly about trials and difficult times as we counsel our people through painful loss and difficult circumstances. But we might lose our focus when we are in the midst of such situations. We might be tempted to despair and wonder “what is God doing” or “how could this happen to me?” During these times we need to move our theology from our heads to our hearts. We need to remember that as deep and dark as our experience may become, God’s sovereignty lies somewhere in the midst. God has allowed, permitted, and even decreed for your trial to take place. As such, it will never get out of His control, and he will work it out according to his will.
These simple reminders kept me from despair amidst my own difficult ministry experiences. Through the grace of God, I was able to take it patiently, knowing that God had allowed this to happen for some intended purpose that I did not know. This does not mean that these types of incidents in ministry will be easy or less burdensome, but it does give some purpose and meaning to what God is doing. Someone has said, “if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it.” This is the reality of challenging experiences in ministry. Pastor, during the hard stuff of ministry you might be tempted to despair; remember that God is in control!
Final Thoughts
Ministry is tough! It does not always turn out well, and many pastors carry the scars of painful ministry circumstances for a lifetime. The cancel culture mentality that has crept into the church makes it even more difficult to succeed as a pastor, much less lead a church toward biblical principles. In the midst of the darkest times in ministry, God is in control. He does not desert his children and he is faithful to his shepherds when no one else stands by their side. At some point in our ministries, we will all likely face opposition, criticism, and attempts to cancel us for doing what God tells us to do. Some of the attacks will be greater than others. Some will be able to stick it out, and some will look for ministry elsewhere; some will leave ministry altogether. Regardless of what comes our way, we need to be committed to the right response. We need to fulfill our responsibility faithfully and humbly without giving our critics more ammunition to use against us. If you are a pastor right now or preparing for church ministry, I pray that you will remember our calling amidst the pounding waves that swell against us, and that you will remember that God makes no mistakes; he does indeed work all things out after the counsel of His will!
